Ep 80 | Ending the Tug of War: Motherhood, Marriage + Many Other Hats We Wear

Have you been questioning whether you will ever have balance?

Do you find yourself feeling guilty about where you are or aren’t giving your attention from moment to moment or day to day?

In this episode, Bree and I talk about the importance of harmony over balance, the importance of knowing who you are and whose you are before you can be successful with any other roles, the importance of communication with your spouse and your children and the C.A.R.E. method for maintaining healthy relationships.

About Bree:

Bree Carroll, the Military Marriage Coach, Wedding and Event Specialist and Speaker who transforms spaces and hearts through authentic design and purposeful planning.  With a background in civil engineering, Bree brings her brilliance of problem solving and eye for design to couples so they design a marriage even more beautiful than their wedding day.  Using her CARE method, she guides couples through designing a marriage that celebrates their core values.  As a voice in the milspouse community and the 2020 – 2021 AFI Air Force use of the Year, she celebrates strong military marriages.  On her nationally broadcasted podcast, Hearts & Stripes, she speaks on the power of relationships.

Connect with Bree on Instagram

Schedule your breakthrough session here.

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No More New Year Resolutions: The Power of One Word + One Goal to Guide Your Year

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Grab your copy of 30 Day Stay, Tiffany’s Award Winning Book

Connect with Tiffany

Follow Tiffany on Instagram

Schedule Your Breakthrough Session

Email Tiffany: Hello@TiffanyHuffExperience.com

Ep 78 | The Power in a Moment of Truth: Redefining Happiness for Yourself with Jessi Shuraleff

Today’s guest and I share about the power of one moment of truth to change your life.  Jessi and I talk about the process to redefining happiness for yourself, the power of both surrounding yourself with people and things to fulfill you, but also how exploring self fulfillment changes your life.  We dig deep into the power of your story and so much more. The question is: are you happy?

Schedule your breakthrough session here.

Jessi Shuraleff is the mama of two amazing little humans conceived through IVF and the founder & host of This Is My Truth podcast & community. She spent many years shoving down her emotions around her fertility journey (amongst other things!) into a box, and threw away the key. Until one day, she found the key and that changed everything — how she viewed herself, motherhood, but most importantly the type of leader she became at home & at work.

She has spent the last 13+ years at Google, effectively leading & coaching sales teams using authenticity, value-based selling & storytelling to drive impact & revenue for her customers. Her mission is to create community & connection through sharing personal stories to empower others to step into their own light, reclaim their vulnerability & drive greater impact. You can find Jessi on her website, www.jessishuraleff.com, on Instagram @ThisIsMyTruthPodcast or by listening to her podcast, This Is My Truth, available on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, Anchor & all podcast platforms.

Connect with Jessi:

https://www.jessishuraleff.com/

Instagram | Podcast

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Email Tiffany: Hello@TiffanyHuffExperience.com

Ep 68 | Lie: No New Friends, I’ll Never Have a Solid Circle of Friends: Building Your VIP Circle with Cathy Council

This episode is part of “The Lies We Tell Ourselves” series.

Today’s guest is Cathy Council.  Cathy and I discuss alll things friendship, first and foremost though, how in order to evaluate your existing friendships you have to do some self-reflection and evaluation.  You have to know YOU are a VIP and you deserve to be surrounded by VIPs.  We also discuss, the hard conversations that are necessary to determine if a friendships should be released or needs rebuilding, how to evaluate who needs to be added to your circle and the actions you can take to intentionally surround yourself by people you inspire, people who inspire you and people who can expand your network.  Make sure you have your journal because this episode is FULL of gems!

Cathy Council is a Certified Life Coach and Certified Business Relationship Manager. Cathy focuses on coaching ambitious women to achieve their goals through the unique lens of creating and building meaningful relationships that support, encourage, and celebrate who they are.

Cathy leverages her 25+ years of Corporate leadership and experience to help women achieve goals by connecting and empowering women through the creation of their V.I.P. Circle for networking, leadership opportunities, professional and personal development, and friendship.

Cathy can be found online at www.cathycouncil.com and you can follow her Instagram and Facebook @cathycouncilcoaching


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FULL TRANSCRIPT

Tiffany: Hey beacon welcome home to your bounce back blueprint community Podcast, where you are challenged to be do and have God’s best as you thrive on your journey from setback to success. I’m your bounce back guide, Tiffany Huff-Strothers. And I’ll be guiding you on the journey by sharing tips, tools, and the T on how I was able to bounce back from escaping death, healing from heartbreak and finding hope in homelessness. And then I wrote an award winning book all about it, and shout out to God. Ever since I was courageous enough to share my story. My life and the lives of women around the world have been forever changed. And as a member of the bounce back blueprint community, I’m called to teach you to do the same. So grab your journal, and let’s build this blueprint. Hey, begin Welcome back for another episode in our series, the lies we tell ourselves. I’m super excited today for our guest and I know that you are going to be blessed by her as well. She is the phenomenal Cathy counsel. And before I bring her in, I am going to tell you how very phenomenal she is. Kathy Council is a certified life coach and certified business relationship manager. Kathy focuses on coaching ambitious women to achieve their goals through the unique lens of creating and building meaningful relationships that support, encourage and celebrate who they are. She leverages her 25 plus years of corporate leadership and experience to help women achieve goals by connecting and empowering women through the creation of their VIP circle for networking, leadership opportunities, professional and personal development, and of course, friendship. a visionary thinker Cathy helps women imagine a future they can create while inspiring others to reach new heights. She is known for her authentic authenticity, which allows her to build close connections that foster trust and confidence with her clients. she appreciates what makes each client different and knows how to bring out their best. She helps women understand and maximize the power of their unique talents. Her consistent encouragement helps her clients learn, grow and improve. Kathy believes that the people you choose to be in this circle of influence should reflect the best of who you were, who you are now, and who you are becoming Cathy can be found online at Kathy council.com. But today, you can find her right here with me on the bounce back blueprint podcast. Hey, Kathy, welcome to the podcast.

Cathy: Hey, Tiffany, thanks for having me.

Tiffany: I’m so glad to have you. I’m so glad you’re here. I’m excited about all the greatness that you have to share. But before we dig in, please tell the community who you are beyond the bio.

Cathay: Well, I am a mother. And I am a very good friend to my friends. I’m a daughter, and I am a double dutch theme. I work on my fitness and double dutch is probably my top way to get fitness in followed by boxing. But

Tiffany: I didn’t I knew that yes,

Cathy: Yes, I really enjoy those two aspects the cardio of them both. But I am really just someone who believes in the power of connectedness and relationships. And I believe we should all have wonderful relationships around us. And it just really moves me when women are able to create relationships that support them. And so I’m always looking for ways to help women have that.

Tiffany: Well, I believe that this conversation that we are having today is definitely going to help women because we are going to break down the lie that I can’t make new friends. I don’t need new friends and you are going to help us grow through exactly why these lines are not true. So I want to kick off this conversation by pulling out something that you mentioned in your bio and that is what is the VIP circle and why do we need one?

Cathy: Yes, wonderful. So the VIP circle is what I call when you create your inner circle of people around you. And I call it VIP because look you are a very important person and this is your circle. So you want to make sure that you are surrounding yourself with other very important people and they are only The people that are going to support you for you, not because someone else said that they are very important, not because you saw them on TV, and they’re very important. They’re very important to you. So that’s why I’ve coined it as the VIP circle. But it is really about focusing on your who’s in your inner circle, and making the decisions around who should be close to you.

Tiffany: I love that. And I really love that you said, it’s not about somebody else determining their importance, it’s not about their fame or recognition, or their accolades. It’s really the determination of importance by you. And so that, to me, requires you to know for yourself who you are, and what, what and who you need around you so that you can discern those choices that you’re making for your circle, right?

Cathy: Yes, exactly. That is exactly where I start. When I work with my clients, I want them to tell me who they are. And we really usually have to unpack that. Because when you ask someone who they are, they sort of drop all of their labels on you the roles that they play. But you really have to go deeper to understand who you are, some of your beliefs, some of your values, what is important to you, what makes you happy? What are you trying to accomplish? So I really work closely with them first to understand who they are, and have them understand who they are, right? Because they’ve been going through life, possibly with the label of the quiet one, the loud one, you know, I’m my mom’s favorite. I’m not my mom’s favorite. So we really look at removing all the labels and getting to who you are. First, before we even start looking outward at other people.

Tiffany: That’s so important. Because if we don’t do that work, first, of course, we are going to be determining who’s important through the lens of who someone else has prescribed us to be. And that is only going to lead us down a road that we don’t want to go down. Right.

Cathy: Exactly, exactly. And then find yourself with people that don’t really know who you are. And actually, it’s uncomfortable.

Tiffany: You know, but I would imagine that it’s also uncomfortable when you for your clients as they go through this process and recognize that they already are surrounded by people who really don’t know who they are.

Cathy: Yes, yes. And it’s really, it’s really, when they come to me, most of them have reached some sort of breaking point with the relationship, there’s a deep friendship that they never thought would get this bad, right. But in the meantime, there have been other signs where other relationships have failed. Other friendships have ghosted or faded out on them. They are spending time with people they know they don’t like, but they maybe rather not be alone. So it’s shown up in many, many ways. But the breaking point is usually when it’s when the one person they didn’t think it would ever happen with where there’s problems in the friendship, that they start to approach it. To really do that deep work.

Tiffany: Yeah, I remember, you were doing I know you do questions on Instagram. And one of the questions that you had posted was about when it’s time to release a friend versus whether you should renew or refresh a relationship with a friend. And I’m sure that when your clients are going through this process, and they start to think I don’t know why I’m around any of those people, how can we make a clear determination whether or not it’s about releasing a relationship completely, or whether we need to do the work to really rekindle it? Or

Cathy: rebuild it? Yes. So that’s a great question. And you always want to do the work around understanding the relationship and your part in it. You have to get clear about what actually happened. And what story are you telling yourself about what happened, because, especially if it’s something where there have been a lot of little things that you didn’t address, or a lot of little, you know, you know, feelings that you had, where you kind of tried to brush them off. And then now it’s just like, I can’t brush anything else off. Those feelings don’t go anywhere. Those those little Inklings that you have that something’s off, it doesn’t go anywhere, they actually just pile up, which is where we get to the point where we’re like, this friendship is over, I gotta let them go or, you know, I can’t talk to them anymore. But if you take the time to unpack it, and do the work around Who you’ve been in this friendship, really looking at yourself? What actually happened? And what did I make it mean? And how did I address it? So once you get through that, if you look at how you address it and realize that you addressed it, and I’m putting up air quotes, you addressed it by not talking about it, you addressed it by brushing it off, or you addressed it by saying they know what they did, then you have to realize at that point that there you didn’t really directly address it with the person. And I like to give my clients this one simple statement that anyone can use when trying to have a difficult conversation, where you have a feeling about something that happened or something that was said, and you do the work to just say, why am I feeling this way? What about that incident is making me feel this way? Once you figure that out, you own it, that this thing happened. And I thought about it, and it made me feel this way. And that’s a beautiful way to open a conversation with someone you’re having difficulty with, because it’s not pointing the fingers. It’s entirely taking ownership. And you can follow that with what you intended, because that’s what I heard. That’s what I thought. And that’s how I felt. There’s the difference about how you enter into conversations more often than not when those conversations go left or go wrong, is when we start out with you hurt my feelings, you said this, and you and it’s you and you and you. And it’s not really looking at how we interpreted what was done or said.

Tiffany: That’s really good. And I think that it goes back to what you said about doing the work about yourself so that you’re self aware about like you said, who you were and who you are now. But I also think it causes you to do some reflection on whether or not you really value the friendship. Because if you’re not willing to do that work and have that conversation, it could be a clear indication, either that you don’t value the friendship, or you’re no longer willing to invest in it.

Cathy: Yes, but I will also say it’s also an indication about whether you are willing to confront your peace of that relationship. So if you are not in a place where you can accept your part of it and sort of look at it from what you contributed or didn’t contribute, because a lack of action is still an action. So if you didn’t contribute to it, if you’re not ready to confront yourself in the relationship, then that’s when it gets easier, quote, unquote, to quit the relationship, quit the friendship, let it go. Because there’s too much pain of trying to confront the things that have happened. From my from my end, I can easily tell you what you did, got less comfortable. acknowledging what I did,

Tiffany: yes, I always say you cannot conquer what you refuse to confront. You got to be willing to call it out. That’s so good. You’re right. It’s much easier to just say, forget about this, than to really deal with yourself and look yourself in the mirror.

Cathy: Yeah, well

Tiffany: what about the times when there isn’t necessarily an incident, but you feel yourself growing apart from this friend, whether it’s the main friend or a friend you’ve had for a very long time?

Cathy: That’s a great question. Because this really lends into building out your circle. It has, it means that if you feel like you’re growing away from a relationship, it means your lives may be moving at a different pace. And that’s perfectly fine. people grow at their own pace, where we tend to mess up is thinking that we can no longer be friends with that person. What we have to narrow it down to is how we can be friends with that person, you sort of shift them, maybe they move from being your closest and best friend, to being a friend that in these situations in these circumstances, they’re the best person for me then. But there are aspects of your life and personality that have grown where you want to create new relationships to fill in those gaps. What we often do is try to make one person be all and everything to us. And then that’s when we really feel like I’ve outgrown them. This is constraint Me, I can’t do everything because they won’t do everything. But if you move to Alright, I know that this is the best person, when I want to have a deep conversation about a book, that’s who I would go to. But when I want to go out to the movies, this is who I spend time with. And it doesn’t put the pressure on the friendship, it means that you’ve sort of shifted where they belong in your circle. But that you can still have that friendly, familiar relationship with them. And it allows the door to be open for when they come up to where you are, and you have more things in common. It can reignite. I love that.

Tiffany: This is so good, because I think so often, especially now we live in this canceled culture. And everybody’s always like, That’s it, I’m done. I’ve cut you off, I’ve drawn the line, I’m not doing this anymore. And the reality is, what we all I would hope know is that religion, relationships, whether it’s a friend or not taking an investment on your behalf, and the other person. And communication is very, very important, which is what you’ve said several times without singing. While we’ve been speaking on this, and I’m just I’m gleaning so much from what you are sharing. So I guess my next question is, what are the telltale signs when you’ve done this work? Right? When you’ve had the conversation? Are you re evaluated where these people belong? What are the telltale signs that it is really time to release this friendship?

Cathy: Yeah, so if you’ve done the work, right, that is your side, you’ve had the conversation, you are open and available to the opportunities that could develop if the friendship develops. However, you still don’t control the other side, you have to let go of owning or being responsible for what the other person does, they too, also gets to decide if they want to continue the friendship in that way. And so letting go at that point in closure, is you’ve given yourself closure, right, because you’ve done the work. And you’ve gave them the opportunity, you’ve opened the door. And it’s just about creating that space, where you sort of move them out to the outer edges of your circle, right. And they decide if they want to stay in or leave out. But from those outer edges, they’re not impacting your day to day, they’re not in your inner circle, they’re not affecting your mood, because you’ve already done the work around it, and you’re able to create that space for you.

Tiffany: That’s good. And you’re at peace with moving them out there. Because you’ve done that work. At that point, I would say once you’ve done all of this evaluation, you’ve rearranged, you’ve had conversations. Now you’re likely at the place where it’s like, let me now do the work to build my VIP circle and fill some of these spaces in. How do I even begin to fill those spaces? How do I know who belongs in that VIP circle? Or what I’m looking for?

Cathy: Yes, there’s, there’s this such a good question. There are four areas that I think that everyone should look to have people in their VIP circle that fit into those areas of their life. And those are people you admire. You want people who inspire you, who you admire, who motivate you, who are where you want to be, whether that’s in life, in your career, in your health, in your family, you want people that can be role models for you. And this is not to say for any of these categories, this is not an age thing. This is about a position about them being able to offer you that motivation, that inspiration, and encourage you that you know what’s possible, because you can see and have access to someone who’s done it.

Tiffany: I’m glad you added that piece that caveat about age.

Cathy: Yes. It’s not an age issue, which people often think when I say people are ahead of you, they think Oh, I got to find our older friend. No, that’s not. That’s not what that means someone younger than you can be further ahead in their career, or in the place that you’d like to be with your health or your family. So age is not the issue. Right? Once you have those kind of people in your circle, whether it’s one or many. You also want to have people that you yourself are inspiring people that look up to you. People that want to be in life where you are right now, you are role modeling. We get so much by giving back in this way, it’s an opportunity for you to give back to people that really admire the work that you’re doing. Whether again, whatever area of life that is, whether it’s your career, your side, hustle, you’re your family, you want to have people that are inspired by you, and you mentor them, whether informally or formally, but it’s you sort of creating, reaching down and pulling someone else up. It’s you creating more space for more people to make it to where you are. So you want to have fun. Yes, yes, exactly. So you want to have people that you inspire. And if it changes you as well, right, when you know that you are inspirational for other people, it inspires you at the same time. You want those people as well. The other third group of people that you want, in your circle are people that you’re growing with, these are people that are just like you, they are, they want more for their life they are working on it doesn’t mean you’re doing exactly the same thing doesn’t mean you have exactly the same goal. But you’re driven, you are pursuing your goals, you are ambitious, you’re going after what you want. And these are people that are doing the same thing, and can encourage you when you hit a hard spot, and they can cheer you on. When you succeed, or you have a win. There’s no jealousy in these people. There’s no envy in these people, because they’re focused on moving forward in their own life. And they understand that drive. So you want people you can grow with. And then the last, of course, is what you spoke about. How do you fill in the gaps, you want people that expand your circle, this is where you start to look at how can I fill in the gaps, where I’ve developed some new interest as you grow and evolve, it’s going to create a new version of you, that is going to have a new level of interest that will require you to fill in those gaps. And you can fill in those gaps with any of those kinds of people, with people who grow with, with people you admire with people who inspire you who are inspired by you, you can fill it in with any of those kind of people, but you have to be mindful when you sort of reached the top of your bubble. And there’s no one else that you’re looking up to, it’s time for you to expand. When you’ve sort of reached where there’s nobody, you’re helping lift up because now all of you are on the same level, it’s time to reach back again and find someone you can aspire, open yourself up to be available and accessible to them to connect with you. And constantly having people who you grow with. So those are how you look at creating a VIP circle, when you have at least one person, you can have more. But for the introverts that are listening, this does not mean you have to have 20 people in your circle, it does mean that you want at least one in each of the categories. And I also like to say that you can admire and be inspired by people that you have access to digitally, where like Tiffany, you’re listening to their podcasts, you get something from it, you are inspired by the things that she shares. So when you have access digitally, and you can grow from it, that also can be a part of your circle, her podcast, and what she sharing is a part of giving you inspiration, giving you motivation.

Tiffany: Oh my gosh, that’s so so good. I especially love the way you broke down when you need to expand your circle, because I’m sure people were wondering. And I was actually going to ask how many should you have of each one? So I guess my question is, now that we know who we need to have in our circle, and we have some idea of when to add and how many we need to add or not depending on everybody’s situation. My question is, what is the expectation of the investment of your VIP circle? Right? Clearly, it’s going to be different from those you’ve moved to the outer area of your relationships, right? But for this VIP group, how often if you can see where my person who inspires me, and who I admire how often are you and I in communication, how often are we hanging out how much of you More time. Should I be expecting? What while you’re part of my VIP circle?

Cathy: Yes. Oh, that’s such a great question. And really, what I’m going to do is flip it on you, if you are inspired by me, then you need to think about how much time you want to be in my presence, right? Because I am inspiring you. But you need to give to that person, as well as received from that person. And the more you give to that person, and I’m going to talk about what giving can be, the more you give to that person, the more they become inclined to bring you into their circle. So the way this works is, if you have those that you admire, when you’re admiring someone, they’re in the admire category in your circle, but you are in the Inspire category in their circle. So if you follow that, you’re eating a role in each other’s circle. So the more that they feel like they are inspiring you, the closer they will bring you in to their circle, and the more access you will have to them. So as the person being inspired, you want to take the initiative of it. And again, say that, again, Kathy, as the person being inspired, you want to take the initiative in that relationship. Okay. And you’ve probably heard this before in sort of other areas when they talk about mentors and mint. teas that the mentees to do the reaching out, and the initiating and coordinating, it’s the same concept. So I’ll give you an example. When I say giving to the person you’re inspired by, I mean, give feedback, show them where what they are doing is inspiring you, Tiffany, when you created that podcast, it just really hit home for me, I related to this part, it made me think about this person you are giving to that person. So when you get that kind of feedback, right, Tiffany, when you get that kind of feedback, you start to think about the value that you’re bringing, and how much more value you can bring. Absolutely. So if someone is sharing with you, then you really start to connect and want to give to them. So that’s what I say, you own initiating that relationship.

Tiffany: Now I know you said that we right. And I know this, like you gave the example we can have these people that we digitally admire, right? But what about moving from the digital admiration to real life because even though some people are digital, only, at some point, they may be in close proximity to us where we might be able to really communicate with them more frequently or, you know, on a regular basis in person. So what what kind of steps do I take? If I feel like you know what, I’m going to take this risk, I’m going to go out on a limb I want to reach out to Cathy. 

Cathy: Yes, great question. And it’s pretty much the same. There’s, there’s a couple of ways you can start, you can start by messaging them. So if you’re working from podcasts, and they have an email or something, you can message them about the episode, like really, every episode you listen to, this is what I got out of it. This is what I learned. This is who I shared, I shared this episode with five friends, or whatever the case may be. Then the next level is if that person has events, or is guest speaking at an event, you can attend those events. Because this shows that you’re more than just interested in what they can give you for free, you are also truly inspired, that it’s worth it to you to invest in them as well remember, because all of this is going to come back as an investment in you. At some point, if you’re truly building the relationship, you are both investing in each other. So you want to be the person that steps out. You have to separate yourself from all the nameless, faceless people that are engaging with them online. You want to have a certain level of consistency, that they know who you are, right and it’s not a fast process right? From our side, as individuals, it may feel like, you know, I’m always talking to them, but you don’t know how many messages they’re receiving, you don’t know how much they need to receive before they can distinguish your voice, your contribution. So really, it is about creating connection go from just listening and liking, like putting a heart on something, or, you know, liking to leaving comments, move from leaving comments, to sending DMS move from sending DMS to getting on their email distribution, move from getting their email distribution, to considering showing up at their events or joining their programs. So there’s many ways you can sort of build into it, they start to notice the consistency that you’re following along and engaging with them and speak to them. Because underneath it all, they’re human, we sort of put people on pedestals that we admire, and they start out from afar. They are human, and everyone wants to know that they’re adding value. And you’re giving feedback and connecting with them as a person. not asking for something, but giving to them that feedback is all the difference in transitioning relationships from online into something more.

Tiffany: That’s so good. And you know what, I will take that a step further and say that very often the people that you admire, in turn admire you, I had an experience one day I was at the post office, and this woman came in and she was like, I know, you know, she’s like Tiffany. And I was like, um, and she was like, I get your emails out for years, I sent these weekly love letters out, right? And I promoted them all over the place. If I had an event, or if someone else got it, they could tell somebody else they could sign up. So I didn’t know everybody that was getting these emails. And she said, Yeah, I got your email today. And it really just made my day like, it really got me together. She was like, and now I’m seeing you here, I can’t believe this, right. And once she told me who she was, she was actually someone I have reached out to in the past, but she got a new job. So I knew her through her professional persona, if you will, anyway, because she was willing to say something to me, I didn’t know who she was from seeing her, but she recognized my face. And, you know, we got to talk and we exchanged information. She had a new job that, in fact, could expand my network. And we’ve become friends. And she is somebody who I definitely inspire. She’s someone who I do feel is further along than me, but from a different perspective than she feels I’m further along than her. So we really do have a complementary relationship. But had she not said anything. Maybe she thought it was going to be weird, or something who knows what will have come or not come of that, you know, that conversation. So I’m glad that you gave examples of the different degrees of reaching out and being consistent and being willing to take it the next step. Be if this is someone you really want to connect with. That’s so good. There’s so much goodness that you have to offer. Kathy, I know your clients leave their sessions, so cool and excited. But what I what I really do want people to understand and I want you to reiterate is, you know, a lot of times, especially as adults, the reason why we cling to this lie that we don’t need new friends, or we can’t make new friends, is because of the work that it involves. Yes,

Cathy: yes, it’s confronting ourselves at the beginning that makes it so hard to sort of create new friendships, when people sort of think about how can I meet new people, even if I got to go to a new job, or if they can be excited about it, but the idea of meeting new people would just make them hesitate. And until you feel comfortable showing up as who you are, it really creates this sense of I’d rather just stay comfortable, then step into some new relationship that’s unknown. We let the unknown become big. And it keeps us small. And I work with clients to sort of reverse that to build their power to be big and to stand up and be out there and show up. And then similar to the story, you just told you, you’ll attract the right people to you. Yes. Right. Yes, yes.

Tiffany: Yes. So I would love to hear what you would say. To your client who has come to you who’s who’s ready to do the work, but who is dealing with, you know, some fear, and maybe some pain related to a friendship or more than multiple friendships that they were slighted or really done wrong. And you know, they didn’t have the opportunity, or the time or the space to have that conversation, because it was just kind of like that cut off. And so they’re hesitant to build this VIP circle, because they don’t want to experience that hurt and pain again, how do you encourage someone in that space?

Cathy: what we do is we start with healing those friendships. And this does not require them to get back in touch with the other person, this is still all about doing that work. And I have a process where we really let them get it all out, everything that’s happened, all that they thought, whatever feeling or incident that they’re stuck on, we spend a lot of time just really letting them release that. And then looking at what they could do, what they did do, and what they would like to do, right. So it’s about creating closure for them and healing those painful wounds, before we start bringing in new people. Because what happens if you leave those wounds out there, you’re going to look at that person through a lens filled with pain, and doubt, and mistrust. Because you still have all these old built up feelings, and from previous relationships that didn’t work out. So we really want to spend some time letting them get it all out, examining it. And then moving forward, right getting that healing to move forward. We give them closure, I go through the process of giving them closure first, before we start to look elsewhere. And in that process, we may start to unpack who they are as well, right, we have to peel back some of their labels, then they’ve been wearing some of the roles that they’ve been hiding behind. One that has particularly come up often with people I work with is I’m being nice. And I’m trying to, you know, be the nice person, right? So they had this concept that they have to pretend to be a way to be nice amounts to people pleasing, which amounts to not being yourself and not being honest,

Tiffany: being abused, not having boundaries, yes,

Cathy: your boundaries are you have no boundaries, or your boundaries are poor, they’re inconsistent. Or you find yourself resenting the people you’re spending time with because they think you are nice, and they think you like what’s happening. Right. So it can even you know, the far negative side of being abused. And the side that happens when you feel abused. But it’s because you’ve allowed people to have this image of you of being the nice one.

Tiffany: That’s good. I love that. You said that. It brings them closure, I know that a lot of people will make the connection when you say this is a process that will help you get closure. And I also love that you said you start with healing and it doesn’t require them to reach out to the other person. It does still require work. But it’s for you. And it’s for you to get the closure which oftentimes, you know, when we have an abrupt ending to any kind of relationship, it’s what we want the most is closure.

Cathay: Yes, exactly.

Tiffany: been so blessed by all of this stuff you’ve shared I’ve taken so many notes. I can’t wait to come back and listen again. Because you know, it’s always better the second time around like leftovers.

Cathy: Yes.

When the seasonings all settled? Really good. Yes.

Tiffany: But I would love for you to if you have any words of encouragement or a quote or scripture that you would offer to maybe one of your clients at the end of a coaching session, one who maybe has started the process, but it’s kinda like I don’t know if this is really gonna work at the like, I hear you. It sounds good. But you know, I’m not sure

Cathy: this one quote is very simple, but I love it, because it speaks to the possibility. And the quote is, anything is possible when you have the right people there to support you. And that’s Misty Copeland.

Tiffany: That’s good. That speaks directly to not only building the VIP circle, but also evaluating those people that are in your circle now, as you prepare to do that work, and then keeping that in mind as your relationships grow or not, right? 

Cathy: Yes. And keeping the door open for possibility.

Tiffany: Yes, that’s so good Kathy. Man. Wow, that this is Gary, I’m so grateful that you came on and broke all of this down for us and dropped all of the gems that you did you make it sound so easy and eloquent. But I want to reiterate that it does require work, it’s necessary and it’s good. It’ll be, you’ll be better for it, and your relationships will as well. And I’m so glad that you were able to share in the way that you did you made. I’m just, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for you being here and for sharing. So please, I’m sure somebody who’s listening is going to want to connect with you further, please let them know where we can find you in these internet streets? And what contact information you will have the link in the show notes. I’ll be sure to do that.

Cathy: Yes. Okay. So you can find me on Facebook and Instagram at Kathy council coaching. And you can find my website, which is simply cathycouncil.com. And I will be happy to give you an email that you can put in the show notes as well. And it has been my pleasure, I absolutely enjoy having these discussions and really giving people the opportunity to bring their relationships, friendships, to their awareness. It’s just something that we often think friendships just happen. And they happen to us. And then, or they break up all by themselves, and we don’t really examine them. So I really like to bring it to people’s awareness that you have total control over who’s in your circle. And that’s so much power. Yeah, that you have that so many people relinquish. They don’t even realize you completely control that.

Tiffany: Yeah. And I also think one of the other things that you share that was so important, and I think it’s a great place to also wrap is that you have to recognize that you are a VIP. And that’s why you deserve to be surrounded by VIPs. Yes. And you absolutely have the control over that. Thank you again, Cathy. 

Cathy: So we’re so welcome. Thank you. Thank you for having me.

Tiffany: My pleasure. Let me repeat that one more again, you are a VIP, you need to know that you are VIP, and that you deserve a circle of VIPs around you. I pray that you were as blessed by this conversation as I was and that if you missed anything, you will hit rewind and go back. Take another listen. Grab your journal, and jot down some of those questions to reflect on your existing relationships and also those that you will be building in 2021 and beyond. If you are blessed by this episode, I would love to hear from you. Of course you can leave a review, you can grab a screenshot and share it in your Instagram or Facebook stories and tag me at the Tiffany huff or you can shoot me an email or hop in my dm, all the links are in the show notes. And of course I will leave you with this. God is not going to play you but if you are out here in the streets, acting like you can’t make new friends and be surrounded by VIPs I promise you, you are pledging yourself be blessed. 

Ep 51 | The Power of Online Friendships: How to Find + Build Your Tribe Online, Sisterhood, and Collaboration Over Community with Kristen R. Harris #Friendsgiving Episode

You are officially tuned in to The #Friendsgiving Episode and I am excited to introduce you to one of my most cherished sisterfriends – Kristen R. Harris.

Kristen and I have been friends for nearly a decade. We have written books together, spoken on stage together and even supported one another through births and losses of loved ones of the course of the years. But guess what – we didn’t meet in person until last year.

In this episode Kristen I talk about the power of online relationships, finding and building your tribe online, the importance of nurturing relationships both on and offline and so much more!

Here’s a bit more about Kristen:

Kristen R. Harris subscribes to the notion that every woman is full of potential and purpose but many lack the knowledge on how to get everything out that is inside of them. Kristen helps draw it out by equipping them with the tools they need to get unstuck. Kristen helps women realize that they are pregnant with purpose and push past their pain to deliver everything promised to them. As CEO of The Scribe Tribe Publishing Group, Kristen has helped hundreds of people realize their dreams of publishing books. To date, Kristen has authored 6 books of her own and is always penning the next page turner! She is the host of the acclaimed God Put Me Up On Game podcast where she shares her raw truths and all the good game learned along the way and The Author’s Tea, a platform to give independent women authors greater exposure. She is a wife and mother of the “three piece spicy”.

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Ep 23 | Why You Need New Friends

Key Takeaways:

  • Everybody doesn’t want to go
  • You need friends to grow into
  • You need friends who can see who you are becoming beyond who you are or who you’ve always been
  • BE careful not to choose loyalty over being lead by the Holy Spirit

Scriptures Mentioned

    • Ruth 1:14
    • Acts 8:26-40
    • Exodus 18
    • 1 Thessalonians 5:11


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Grab your copy of 30 Day Stay, Tiffany’s Award Winning Book

Connect with Tiffany

Follow Tiffany on Instagram

Email Tiffany: Hello@TiffanyHuffExperience.com